Having been raised secular, my spiritual journey began in poetry and can be described with some allusion to Dante's Divine Comedy. It begins in the dark wood of despair, as prospects for both myself and our consumer society began to dim. Proud in my existential reason and libertine notions of sexuality, I at least had the prospects of curvy women to stir my senses and propel me forward toward some promise and alleviation in life. So I set out in the pursuit of happiness, driven by passion and novelty.
Coming of age after the sexual revolution, I applied my moral reasoning: it's natural, it's consensual, it's expected without necessarily any commitment. But on some level deeper than reason, I cared for these women and they care for me. After the inevitable disenchantment and break up, there were tears, sorrow, and shame. What's more, the promise and the realization began to increasingly diverge.
Being a restless spirit in my youth, my life would lapse into an odyssey of wandering that carried me across the country, never achieving a sustainable level of satisfaction, and never staying in any one place, job, or relationship for very long. This accumulation of shame -- something that the mind doesn't completely pick up on -- carried me in a downward spiral to the depths and the realm of shame and despair, the manifestation of hell on earth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment